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An atheist was walking through the woods.
'What majestic trees!'
'What powerful rivers!'
'What beautiful animals!'
He said to himself.

As he was walking alongside the river, he heard a rustling in the bushes behind him. He turned to look, and saw a 7-foot grizzly bear charging towards him.



He ran as fast as he could up the path. He looked over his shoulder and saw that the bear was closing in on him.

He looked over his shoulder again, and the bear was even closer. He tripped and fell on the ground. He rolled over to pick himself up but saw that the bear was right on top of him, reaching for him with his left paw and raising his right paw to strike him.



At that instant the Atheist cried out, 'Oh my God!'
Time Stopped.
The bear froze.
The forest was silent.

As a bright light shone upon the man, a voice came out of the sky. 'You deny my existence for all these years, teach others I don't exist, and even credit creation to cosmic accident. Do you expect me to help you out of this predicament? Am I to count you as a believer?'

The atheist looked directly into the light and said, 'It would be hypocritical of me to suddenly ask you to treat me as a Christian now, but perhaps you could make the BEAR a Christian?'

'Very Well,' said the voice.

The light went out. The sounds of the forest resumed.
And the bear dropped his right paw, brought both paws together, bowed his head & spoke…


 
'Lord bless this food, which I am about to receive from thy bounty through Christ our Lord, Amen.'

 

A man rushes into a vet’s surgery with his collapsed dog. The vet examines the dog and tells the man that the dog is dead. The owner is upset and demands a second opinion, so the vet brings in a black cat. The cat walks around the body of the dog and sniffs it from head to tail before meowing to the vet. “The cat is saying that your dog is dead” the vet tells the owner.

 The man is still not happy and asks for another opinion, so the vet brings in a yellow labrador. The labrador then sniffs the body of the dead dog from head to tail and pokes it a couple of times before barking at the vet. “He’s saying that your dog is definitely dead” says the vet.

The owner finally accepts that his dog is dead and asks the vet for the bill. “That will be £550” says the vet. The man is surprised that the cost should be quite so high and asks the vet for a breakdown. “Well, my examination only cost £50” explains the vet, “but the extra £500 is for the cat scan and lab tests”!